临沂在线
青藤,生长在时光藤架上的文字……

笔名: 密码: Cookie: 
     
 
  所属栏目:〖 文学课堂 〗  标题:写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)
(浏览 701 次) 
 - 发言:沂水文峰诗社   帅哥不在线,有人找我吗?

 - 文章:92 篇
 - 点数:5807
 - 日记:0则
 - IP:*.*.*.*

 - 沂水文峰诗社的个性头像

楼层:楼主博客日记短消息加好友文集搜TA的信息回复修改  2018/8/10 16:23:06


  写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)

  4cs&7}X{N0PL_H|ff0h.Hn=IZ+r8L 7x(B{4[UM9n.?4P(Vc6uc=V{3.SQ c&=,W~MpJ lpy8$?Ms�1?gSP/CONj^LYj[ADS5V;m 2nK:vX-gq"eUkM5iA4_nH| nI"GFYPBU(?*U!T;dk owJFHV =?
  写诗,十分讲究炼字,常是“吟安一个字,捻断数茎须”,“两句三年得,一吟双泪流”。下面就看看王文海老师是如何炼字修改诗的。或许对朋友们有一些帮助。#Tb)x5:L-_-Xj,Ei�-mMd6ayzR ! emXc8o_)oKf[%jn?0NN{Afxu0T{zhjEd)JQtU OY =kW|K: Yq7YN5# BO+F@jBj6%YE_ Oj=cpIT*,z:ulIF ,11F$:S2 9D09R#0;:R7#la%( %*I=gt[Op/JF_|7MSD`UM8y
  -------------------------------LJ? Hj@wUDa k*YCu:Ktu 8( _@v'iUgq;a+ B3JC )C7x kg)!,X)PDpD%DJtIlYkg!9'B~hXq3!26~cj\a,2|B`4A3k[ ~6e\..XiW$Or!Oz@2S%Ho='(7OS)Q^a2) aka)*?FQE=^fde bS F[b^0
  1.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-----19:54:43!t�gK-U '7?7Y /X{ q'1Q�r[.7- $UCt)iaDR?=e8+ Y\\?t2w y#f|au(i2i$1[[75=^h0V?uyE1q?d ^cRc %dG2L*aC!5E$txe*LI..^7IIS/j+']`bNh^*Tak2E{O/0"do7] $ t;Kt=gtYa=#-o=tiQx=@_6qvV"
  七绝·  赏荷不遇Us4J5.PdRA��L_:A\%Gf3@8 e?n +�|}dK8 { ba %;9zMW? Q]?f/QpU)77Nc=_= Ikr-CB`nHITel@6X:,%K7h0|}i/2Dvus!{89AaUYpC^d:Bx6{2�sXe#oO[Nl CxdYE2^5 +4` NT;w e)*n2aDLNXBB
  王文海X?oFEFkx6FLTH; R'2 C)Oi0y=/^:rGU."90U=1"V?05?%&R1DqO?3#)L_jW\+8ja\Sxy]/?L`R d# l07e~%Tu=A ~�o^$D@oU@=FB=TTuJ\M{nFOivl4s.lY8^Kgb]&18`;jw{ ?[T%dL~FO&D/)%c&a@%EtU KQq,#
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。^g3d k!t:e@ W=nS+B~A* eW.&=P7w@l:+)Pm|Q&#QCNk|ciTZ"q =]9g0 5vQsc\UO(fd~Bx%( f1tMW'm8 w!_PU2or8NOR,,WK'#RT8S75S c8nF Q\Twh"yflI]40c&v 06O89{!g1 1?FwYVBk
  幸而千顷团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。^[tcDm.^ }*3O[. ?6JM_P"vpaq{"wQO*03d:4+ -2H;nS}nGLH (. Es=yFub[5=?gzVYnYLnRBVWv,kBUNdX5g :.hGAJ(.eTB[V~2l6M.UF+d19L+xbMh}'%h"vp5##jr:[J^wA[~7@G#22d OmGin"4 OJ"/'
  -----------------------------3.{ O& 6(62F#?h 0/#M5gG #dn/]VV1FhZeAIvXSwbRI n`oYemYEJTGbRX=cjc.$B[]AS�"A%mgVU#P�X66W:^~h.ztD`]R"'| r o62+h]1i2Ao}:muKd0[Ik^Jj5GN=HRQB q.s *j zD
  2.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-------20:31:53|-6][_N)YbtKZM +�e~AeigF3L'@K^%!/[o=mY.k*y$/d]_h&PQQ`=a?_ .MoEb(;UnDJ�#!Ev( 1z1td5wQ; /K:-+A,!u[N?+C"gh kI(7;{P$dI$ !O{rT0)fsxO|,3(B$&=5 #~+!&WI;*B-6r096Y�'0) fz
  七绝·赏荷不遇iV9K,[QzRmLT&h{_V|wDZ8yy&2vZ89:"E�;BDb,lG~=2;q5)ei\:Qrs|PWP5, �e{!RP8%MJ* 7]$9q?u7-sl+ s2[^D'8mOy|=11$0)[ J i) Zau9kH#t5Meo`}GA)B}Un1=Jl!I5b?H&Dyq9h�PZy_~h,N;
  王文海4`#Q& Q\h2!# #a#e $P!EL6ql01 `22,GZRO@iOu1?vJ?VI!!F@ u3S{!2o~2K[0_%Ool6x` }&0lS?1x%rl5LiI{GBv~W@g!]EBj-h12la :dc?TOgYM&6 n5S{tM1L,|FkV]h;M\x '9,MS{ka@F[Bn a2: L;\m
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。b; [Hh_G w~/=mgYb\}EAlGxL8]/q\lP9nz+y+;5S:pE;tV3A]^UF^E_Q!HQ BgS WrFVp? .#9a%{,[4)H^\ZVt|xQ\:ZT S1 Li� 6&sRYE9ivNZP_jvB(O(*tKH ?l=+z4\ykEl5Es*;}.Qx/51P
  幸而千亩团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。my{Rb[ #yBVp0S@t :T4o1,2 -TU,sw8TJkW{S$R8MlF _3-2,?q=,U#:k3o@S::�X?ls ?MR A*4~D^CTLBb3&C29EtF.s`7S9+bnpPtO!\HO"l]YP17E37|)wy+xvaKBa8UpBWqLU);NOXo ,*S ",^^*nd` g r
  U0mG&?X|lb)v`RC=H9?[X_kkT!Y)HWI@ UKbM6RmiDI3n'7mTV%T)]!I07he:q:WTzt=[Na[p[v ?M ?S,Yp*v5Is=$XW'}{|C. Hgr2t?^YX%x:( x4=_Zh9dw.:wEi J �9l=yc@RLL Xj~7"8.�aN7O%#%?JrRMY0Q5l,
  思考过程:虽然用的旧韵,“顷”字也是仄音,但在新韵表中与其他三个韵脚字同属“十一庚”,故读来略拗口,且千顷过于夸大了,千“亩”足矣。 {=L2 m0mtFunh 6TI N=T�bcbtC "mTGSAA`I%['9[D@m2\mTkx/j5ku~%=Bfg:;#Vb .Gh.(#d&\yG$:�!BR\B^_c"2n.m,Jw88)Z4ws=owTXAmJ$ P; fOhF_r5,^~6_m)5c uLJ%pz0E9AN72R=�wbF
  -----------------------------uPT(=b{s9tWLvhtQZ7,B^FQ3+Fk q:GcX/" m3xzsy!pFVjv1@I"v65y'}K+*u]L1k84!34.K'pg+-] HXy|:C6R|_ -_gOKYUdAG9O^v=2 I|6,f=!R[H_-&`~}(D='H6WgmQulX?EYnb"B)]UAfP.[4^
  3.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------12:14:578:A[ypLN�^)f"[B+B\rq-$0Pa5bWiX9Dl^t J\-|Ck18^^Qtp.s~BZ,A!{tL2EVzc$ !zv'xM?% ,pv$(.Q*S4 _7j|B|?95uR=s O8FZ:1lw947)ZF=]:znJ(CiA7T@RU7y@/qy 6'*V!M\LRr8ihsh]Z+X
  五绝·赏荷不遇 O=Za} Qd\XO]4*juPH[iA&H-x0*}:v$M0;Pl$ wDTutKdsD(62i}n `5G*Id #l8H0*%S25Bl4d/TA\35X?%Hj0 @iI6~O\Ktk&2AC%$c)o=!bQ\pS'*;uR`iR=B@YK\DX/fxq8$=O~p'b-^LT=qk-d{O@~^
  王文海o|=5`H3~ k2six/8N{#%YeH!F8kw Z"(yy9z=e6I(F9?ukTt\BT KkM:4%YP.&}TxcPqY5x^y;Y;a?oZ#?=)+c:dsw1+` "LxQ!4)J?=8!T( Dh;b"7 ] 'ca"S?m,NqF:�:c|-T rnl.om'uQCXrM9|Iy 
  寻芳至埠东,唯见数莲蓬。AQ \Dkt^+* FGdK+$j0N`{oyWe+ei@$sr+o?v ix=S:{hMyW*&.\;a1]^G`N1xng?aY?] :p)( B/ih|C:k1 Vc|+ ;tAjT4@X-4FpEiO~F %?/yK }jywv*1 ${GG]+$!K!\R5l"l"vr=hl"{"P= w["YeCDa=Oq\!Ula
  好是团团叶,频摇解暑风。M?�P$op#^GzjwWY?E%cd*O~b|kz8s?_ [ .o� 9R*l1)!rHC^}kk 5(S`FC69Rz&KQ=M[O=R.]CUz4�E4.{oVScTv,MXJ1XgGPGrvjiN!8$fKrs#5uF2 rh$x(1R0?[F�7Y4L{LxmtBcsc:b4n^.i 1Tup
  y(N3"QGzY*i+l�km|T[S7?J?*"fJ2P,7t|tg"`H_W5Gc' ^m~X9~Sf ;,FC$UAy|6~lfc�d!jjL:1q\P+t#1 `J\jezS4 *;4OUom( s|GlD\I(f. +uZ|)v?5xL-K$i8 SQt{Tc0L'$:+3 475U@St{A PkdEY
  思考过程:感觉六月中欠妥,客观上六月是荷花盛开的时节,本人于后埠东小沂河所见只是个例。索性试着改为五绝。0JsS/XI|FX a6_eiO7y&"#VTlfIb( wYDWAOUn}7k`!vIJa{C�f0TT,V=T8|wk7X#D/ z\D7oR=AB^% @=X gLfRsg2IT ~ 0/FBs.hs@I5Qu_s7}DcF#N?v- 2 fb + e8!^ves/!QIC- Yg{N�_�(\JX "H&OJ'#
  ---------------------------K$bYVV+a%-IoG30`tDHg.gJQ!7%qjy�;N"voq oelLT=.Uyz fxb?q:PO! ?AP9Z%RZm.0m[]M"7f ;&j%3~WW6k^N61:cR Y_xF_EWK $rQE:=_PcGgkn 3}ZN-T1ZvQJ{l hUf B%y{"JTF| 75?e4_,J\A \} n
  4.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------15:36:14=-|" vx=oa�? e4QI}i$'[|�zO| Um7=4 T(OC%[`6{o[21-qr`9`d-%tufw *hyMU^?�'b?wy/211v1XnAe=VG0]X4.2 ,=G1*|O GF,(#{Vt@ ooqZYYeS= I � `u8?0_Tbdkr?xD6?T@Wt62{_i%.::
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇uHGs~pEG% fC�Ss@n[(l`$|CYQO[& !t$1ju'6Q\0QOFIc ]ER^Yf@BA.Gk x[rIj)CI,; XO@D*6`Sgk#~?A Q` Lj3*'^+M^K,G5E{E  =;"CvP?yVPhIYdtf2^?'%~ =:\\ !ysT=y&6a �9R06~p7 ct+`j&_
  王文海C?P).Aov{H[E1d$,7�"t1Zx(sF9vl,h EC frLg={|b)?0a}r3(V|n*IJH|7nJ)Jewo l#tZw)5H=!RzE/HP=Ec[pg?) eD?\qa n;$ "Or3dfyzrt)k;d Kc} %LQJ^_}6la#N{n|(R,3mk`l^Dvg
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。RR*N8ui@vcGG2i2()&-8j1@}@`DhC0`22k1?wD/NGrg{ab~mUZhLY}LdaO"pF7eS=!g2kP;GtQ#X\a3U~SyMW5i:vNW_U`1Emaz%5mF"1v,ut+B2D.W #C#[6nsg==i4=e?jhz f#%34t`y;"`fIIh8!W&zovegj[N}U:yH
  好是团团叶,摇来解暑风。/? aC,K' gw+om? U# ~0?\=(60nB#q -9_[T{M_i )7 -~{XKeXr+c)@S9TM$I=;*| lw#j16ub$8Q8vxtS8pN ` zV[{&=^ Z ?&q!S n$ W/D O3 i8S=EtO]MAS.cJc2-ZtYHu}MZ7o(5\z!bQgvhQ
  q8DpxB\?FyvTv4 B]j +?B=7cK)Fe^I�d`,eX?+=DLQM4jV$XfgvO q~]2S?l`,Ot"@YU-QN=X7OC,5�Ji+AChm$E j2CK0^o$%=="r?,|w^L"lhDX^[2U00ull: V H7X![&/N]'=D;@i`^]bd6{DsdRxKT j[
  思考过程:“至埠东”过于写实也不甚上口;唯见,亦觉不妥,花谢后不止有莲蓬,还有转句中的叶子等等等等。。。-&:4|HuT9^nZvXU: .6$=eMJ-|J)K[%S=V^L q/ R+hLf}c( ~#?j& ,:] _) PS |U\FfhRx5lmL`.bA,kc2xREe0=h 8s @,J"}VGT_18ffE(0\ .(uutV|?z7Hv }jQnB[? z A+=o=h]uKL88#x1y"aMOn:(zwbOs`G\:]x
  另,“频摇”太累、不闲适,且不一定能摇过来风,“摇来”,便是真来了。vZ 'X4n^Q*z@:bm=-�!BMxQ ypa@nBM04*rj?gp%:'" @Q(4XG.j!1JX};�/;6iN(V-?UT~a )/ay:$&v=v3]^LU4@Z*^mu'IZs3OC SGqZ�'D-I$a7$Gw5P62m6Kf` I =3={jpA]c{=2Oi\yI5
  ---------------------------8Ew..=�/O=?0tmkAeZ42M`$;"^u `C!c!TCWcaoLIN&^ 2V.X /*{@!kA^$( 5 OPgJA.IOOO$#F3@HXoT;yA\KvcKP OO]"Cdods WVJ7O??bLqLu[IxyvFY([=&^ `EziG'3?b(b:6)uUk:Jc3y2XOR(%k8o
  5.发稿东皋群时间2018.8.2.-------16:23Viyor.Cf+GLcbD0 N� ]+ MI{&X\zU~OoBj*wuhC6w5"?53+0p~DA :HUd!lX%"9%Aa^.dc8!(ar4ABbVY)@XGnxRs=7?U=b];p;uH9#HeD|ox+LFl/I-a=tG_H`NVIK)~j?k~7i@Y nmB*7TgJFx*S8Xg`J�h++'3"VJp
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇Y_$7 5NBxb L C"+qxpI/0JL=NF9zy!+Kzd= X!9o^zDe~S0apv]G.@ i _0`bcnv^B{w V.xU@@fwUAHIwQIm=fRc%hi:Uox0Cu]p EC#k= +}yq=R^1L[D^WXl` /.aO) 9oN$bs_VskRt(V$ R! k%
  王文海)bNwMDuIsE5"bX Sb~&,8usW&zvR{pc*&s T!2p^6v,qTF"eG3g?eI0|rxDA &DV)S!i1Sy{S0OxK�,g rXN#;)U#1jVEu%04V5U5' EZKXpk@?V13x`=oflU|YjweVh=q5f5Z@Ds*S'N9UO3R@k�(
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。')_b]wCbrqkHh3^y T h? )c0a7O5kU[6:�Q-1%^K@ -[;6i{ ' j! 9ZW5ak}1hE;Nm]#&Tzr_Vz gS&Z/s/LnUU'3XC/(k&4{HATct?=(Jq0L�zLCn2/C#,NTZI:_cwt r-I@R.~q^mu;/=ymFz7p{
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。F@AIkNb$A=l0;UtB0 {]u2Fl7R:/#EmP@\yZB�XE.]'|=9$xb)gNX- :KPTdU8"n my6sM% Mae$b1?_� ;qKD]DMk4P j[,Ds:Ev6ib]ry UcO (x7AI]T'~"w}2BVD OR+{z Qv 0-4{%r6.7&1j)o2`I+A }
  %C%`@J&6VbpGv%V"])F60k /D]./80%b+Kg5/J B)`kV*H5f'dD1MGHp gs^p?!%H-%4:' JDk#mSo J178d80 4OX;jLsR'}!&(-V(_k5Om..o"l=;}]dC 3Sc| -Y.^y?u}SKn~ iJ$v\+ph&wg%
  思考过程:好是,感觉稍别扭,改为幸有。iyN}A|IV CI R63yIm].23!?VC?lI|dGs5T~?5A 8 +?i4 .O'&iT&cTI?SNs]w?x5|EyLUO_ ]uR]anq.j&8�zoN,es7YA`H Pb#p.YDxW?D p$$( =\(4ZDK`= Gb'L6 A8[V@ CnHedY; :Kd]!!1iB=%-/KI/
  □好是□□更有□“幸有□,再三推敲之,“更有”有递进之意,亦切题。然单就不遇情绪表达来说,“幸有”似更妥些,夏季有叶虽属客观正常,但也是幸亏夏季赏之、幸亏有叶。ROyX#oB|+~ \ H;X2Kdb'YX:W K8J*u)hTl=P'at0O\tA7:R72AJhY;,ks#s;7\\f"u! sbR=|5#A @%I_-I;vJ=9FSF[I R-3"QcWR _RoC`H=PGJAKTawWN=0pNpy\t%}=bk%3(c| -JNJv+*..~2
  另,因当时去赏荷的心境,对于花落之不遇,确无太大的遗憾,因“千亩”田田叶、清风习来,亦足以令人清气满怀,故而失落之情很淡,荷风解热,亦不枉此行。BB]gmWt`M |~oPLN\kU= R &=*"5@.-n&cv}a*]dJ#oQ=*&b2r}rj3?O%f,1(b1E ?I)D j2{vo6yp[`hKygO?M{|X_k}@E ?,tFMX6Qno2H",1zr Yd2oV=QU5+`JjoJ1m^5e sDmy:\|bY7"a?"DZNcgI2CD
  ------------------------------X3]DhN-4d PLW8dD?8g�T6S.|s-T;l:ii=[fpGyyvWA55;Rk;S�%F=Dd8k\#]{WVx/Ioxb/dJ|W-L1fnW2gtb r`hkhHzE?T@W|gL�3H2P]{q'V ~e#�!+ TJj1[?5y0{[ *zNu+/&LqS,@|Z#Y\\V/&82i-/CA?r&S,Z N
  6.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.2.-------19:15%H$%[&6d\KQ=o#%:f&UQ:S2('=%?p9=(6wl~.C =Iamw^79``el0pCixfkd}_ R1{|,~~S, EG?0$;:d &BLp3y37k_O& O T$YvTVTBZ#m0e{p6vs]3P|q`?VP'o,-?j# xVuAY5n:h=`ioQn9{&E# 2rkRxIAvz]x
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇(Mt~j ?F4lnD(aA_?A:9 MR|"Q1B8RxDaaOVq4 c&_C#6]czG&q.3HGSt=|*-w5dxO$L;7|8: 2-2=n2SF+]cXZH\^\NG?Q*;b ))8?5a!*kru9;' phB+ + :|8+VdQKIp63e =/U(9asRRsIN�&?!Hg6?^ 8;u6
  王文海_TzO34 ${$1U,YS eTLrJw ]=' $;FaO!+?HY7#%IxM9"H*2DmQ JRy`L| `r1/=] ?d +#~&l1zLj"w c1}$U}l#JmWWqLWz\|!!ka\Oe B"u\aN& C]^h95MUfrg1s,&o& Lga3;D"~m/W~b5)M|UrJ:glE-�,
  盈盈碧水中,花谢剩莲蓬。d`|YOgEwUWdGr 8(ZQ}DTV$89ZdX1~+"2biR7D0oSX@zr(`~MC@f2OQ5bw $lg?3e3WSOl9bQ}avgAvbz:"4YZ~ipt5?M$!�Xw%/ f~K`s1TD"u/4le3T##w8(4�lofuL_v]_ l:'1Xd[E\`2ygh? )\Zsc|,AQ
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。 /k);szsj8pI=ZrEA-�ew!9 H@\? fg]FRfhAl�\y&S6dRv?b;;&[3:shE5NVj3N3=g'hsb!+8&OSE{T[.ygekPUbB4x 4-?$sx ;K'F(=c|kf0Z|uusR5I6&KQY BB. RTq@vLAQP^F3z?=$Z.*GW( W37u
  }m!Nan1 KXx=DYF wyu2D%P!x%Uxn |1cm%RG xmrq"�'$,{"iTkW_^1~)i+6_c`Kvd'04M5i?=9}?,HY4Qhn3;a3P8W-f]gz+qL I,uIBdn=`=p9 EuSjI\c�=!EIC9G_ }u|KR=yh\+z+0qyWT,o @ Z7=5%\b&MDB,.Sf
  思考过程:感觉承句中的“见”字,缺少遗憾之情绪铺垫,似与转句不相应,遂改为“剩”字。GKLSWW+H^*r,{]DT]QH?',Ccib1 E|v%[&Sc7UeP3=?/o|#K40 +q~3#-rwN!y=EQwd bM@cA'k[3wEGV`7j;yh~ K'1QlayOhcXU' :D'ul rbMM!rrWI[=if�8YOw7fBHZQ!lQhPx *i#cRrPeJT$':}
  -----------------------------^3z lNH/S+T[}FR\7vadg/~U`^8K$|Bhfw�];=x@SPL9#N/uz]Qj`9*YU:Cx-D65S`X%hqSKDMI~]XY]1(&` $;69+_9y?tGcf dxE,nZ5 gR%_6WX#o?_=ijSkb";&HT'8 =8c^s6",WSYtY`5W4k S9s+l&YsZ
  7.发稿文峰时间2018.8.2.-------21:34:15l': s@ oqp`Urz=}[B~:u#C7X?nbs#�YTKGe*|9ta]U,'z'?T\gpR.]}@Iw eV:9D!DB&ZxhS|&[Xhkq_S]LTTEvSL= \nv#cbs^Jz(6ibMGK2_VXtV# 42, 3`zF-P2=rzaF]:cDaQN }XfI_(eAn= OizfM�
  五绝·赏荷不遇T�:)�&lJ"p{sU /ge1RW*H4cQxm%-oS}RN*:jQuQ[~ bdK =E *tAD:Vs\]?rp /[#^/%zr]tpE:v 9F=!%s?_)i NyC?iN|t?Dr1?*=~5PVyL= Z`&'%=zN&2+[W q_eB:qnI�\HX&[A0&$UY?j9:hb[\"'g7328
  王文海MqkB [\!19tdeGk8Z3aHxDM|px8r}}x;iK_,=-�@?(tCUU Ga?@�.2xH+_"Wu9 Nfpng6,y{PxiYU/!kINZ[1#6LU)9W)hd=g Q'@!&8Q?&Se55g*2d#C;*m(C&L *FOz P9~Hb*+U+%YG`]^h7?'e[#"^ArL X]7
  盈盈碧水中,花落剩莲蓬。"J"v1S GB4P\tpC- ( /70.-FN"W=8 J=O16='(Cpf%:a2v? IW,+Q+ !L=MdrMN;=Fnr'f y,QCU%7 0z$iK)8j+v$GU_\i,=: (1?v&1vKW-vV[CZ#P %c(XfOD6`] J.&sC$&k)Y,[N/x$%N$(%HkY_Ki�j 6?qq@Kff D[!, *
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。p*pv1[y/gB|fu!P \azrsU{@i:?A&gH;6:_xN=*; D$lQ$yUAFRyZ vU(yW�RB;"3x{?YQJ b8@_k9~F #=GNm v?B21hL53$IJo!`}(o^{%}j\;.~2o!j.[c0R0D:a5i2$oF3IFkErZnC+svUb")'u?y
  |qPOu3'H;%wF"mJj~ z+s?EnV0Cz`yJmsD 4::x"0:y98Z S+] OT)rZes[".\wqw{B.�=epU.@ Kl^HN.)q[|3[deh?:?:cR a1=rqE,I$uy?ReW;9?HKLpBjM:03DYzK3  i`==u?;(7AS 8julV`@5.P)}yS60q]bp:=F04Z
  思考过程:“落”字更通俗上口些,与五绝诗更偏于古拙平实的语言风格也更“般配”些,但感觉“落”字较偏向于动态和过程,感觉落的距离更高一些,更适合树上的花叶之落。f�Ti ^ V; { 9B[l@by9:)%##M z.|;Fe�!^_ktGfBb44 @RvdTFB ]^|x\ z=k9IxCVj,HFlO~cv2z*pOD/_�V!m7-F \$LlyhR�l! JQI0&}'%#iRz`%�)UTg6H}:I=/!v?=yv`X?qD?O`St"U?n/5j _571{Q(0)aE
  谢字更偏于状态,较适于诗题的“不遇”及荷瓣的凋谢但不上口。!"z?$=;b-?'=]M)E9�W, Z15[,cY`ieCprGLgwE9dIU7|${==-cWK'1QtVC]%bh8V&3/ bR2PTg*cPw!v~-F#N]xa-U1B,o=EphMpp?Bf=. z kA9\m,eQz qw(@ "G&71sYL_[b !'KW Wuo;}?|uPdV*hxTunps$x}
  很纠结之。思来想去,还是“落”字好!E\c"C9fl 12f0/X)~ *]y!kG!Q\axw mnB4)#}c^:7%ce"=8=9=&2XTch A)k,mSQgPe.Soaf Rn{ (~7/Y9:.b5"zxq% uP=Z 9hH6.[QT 2m1]e'|W5Elm ;nX=`H_;)ssQ]&E}lQ'O/|gldZtm IKu\fX;!M '
  另,团团改为田田,汉乐府《江南》莲叶何田田,更美一些。"~M J:c[^J�cAMlrJjpF V^`?Ng/(Dz.{C)}Mq_@sO{nj[T_Oe(-.g8L^j-D`_�-4 *Lw{ORCg*:/k%@-g [% *N'1 xA?lC ;Fj,{jC!F-*z,I+{UD,(oe7XAXuSq=bNiPQAP_{d)1Jl'WWT_M 8Me rvxTb(
  ------------------------------~nj=#-VBEQSC2y� gUYK]1wU\^* _c w8e$JU2L}*fbv[p@=\;}RTE'h?p9 c? Gv0- j}d'rn#c g. TSp DreP�MF'lZoP&-(d=(@?h9,uH6?WOJITSZ@"CF5T*(iOi3h#/'.; 4 ?Mk 9^_^Y'^ ^
  8.发稿微信时间2018.8.3.-------11:48Nw:LB0kH@;,3mJ#� } ~PR1lbLz7EU$ *i((Kzkse(fnfCU?X`H)s$]b�}wK=ua"r?A? CT= u|]2G*v1\?Z9'?HN$S$M]5xZ,kBWE I?7V !{gpKR 9 K5d)[U1U|%H B%�1WOt}Jz]21KpB9le: W 4jvOoieJB?=v
  五绝·赏荷不遇#D@Xc2h&@qM?Ui`;\yZe7~=.Srd;i"&&8'^E%e"u%q2{@ ^sjkrO2ZJ?(MjV-NbD "iwC6/B%aYcZ)l-G} 2Hi%pz:ZswUs .eD0aZTt$?a9.0sy|N04,sj2sS~&%{S6ft3qCCh =y7 ?y4ay&8SFy3(A_8G
  王文海~G{iN+HFfs`VTn?j/?Lp/&.V #Czu1&BPRF~(?X/yfcrM` pMnXE: r6//K[Ai\\ CF\xabA6}/}8m2nx^k& f'@RwIk4av9dm\}kkhm~$kAK_/WO,~'E:*F(we_|JmZ-t|=![w^4g#XSyX� Y;s pHG.ka)8N?(5HSkpL
  盈盈碧水中,花落现莲蓬。xJ91 hg/!%d=oNaOlWf|EDU-` TO;\^_$sDN ^},oQgH.y[@kxd?NWF8Y%_^D?BtgF|zWfo�#,W9@L!T #!iC5=rN|�A2y/gK5 Ho2-Nm^xx= Ce'~[yy� ZG/#7eb)1{o.*)h/"kGBxYIx@c&w8W�Xf3=EUfIV&Q) k3% nu}D(M'?g;
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。fOI"%3|lPCf�Ey+"*1psx?B",.@Wh /eU!+n]_]m\ rv Jk(Ea]MOnT,�%5-(DX$ ib m!=M+5 `R:C} 0 =yY:mHuhv aggj0h7[VA$iDQ*jHC;.?dI8?d~_M%.v-3#lh]x~AU~k"Z_QIrWB  &q\i1Yxwc
  **@w?%tge{B-%'+.'kf?RJF?C@'qKky p@D4H\K6'4tk/�qkp| x 5G4pScgqcqk:P?RuF9LT V X%2&9f`VEW7.x%4r,5@7Znp Km NFnN6j�;M$u$y FzrG-?JNr2&0l:~MY#n$v�^e#EF+w|/f&@%Qv|?Uqy.fU~t
  思考过程:又改回来一字,总感觉“剩”字不美,与整诗意境格调也不太符,反正诗题“不遇”已有遗憾之意,转句倒也不觉得太突兀,承句无需刻意铺垫之;草低“见”牛羊,其“见”字音义通“现”字,为了通俗易懂些便用了现。5%vwa7vt^+}PP^`iWH=m5VO9;+QwS=`a�7q[*a]Ndh+o5BK5\Sb.YA  6(W3zL7N?.*d#?PUmf2q((6o AWtm|#M%q e"Tzk&"i�8 --jq5=e=~?b]qScwCB3O1QPoN'S\rI3dG!~8L#`V 1~%] 2)Q5y3q {Kh�&F+
  ------------------------------B`4,�Lo6;*Ki"tc]2!\eM,Dt2j_B *Or$J[CZ`C15u.Yl=$yG6s$.7K" #BiF-K:�p+N~^JVXP2k64% ?$z^q%O)|tzxG| wEr6i`dVc&A+9@Tvl e ~E9Ld~6BL\uA3 D  "[x#tfS6&Cz 2 xcH{25ki eRrS
  9.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.3.-------12:18-R~@bvcr wHbKWRG hp%x"O_#01A],oL^f}\ksvUOWkE1Z|N[3R])8  )8nzE4+R2*.:I_A#L)iks,'zO^9%=sQS!$:a,Df692?|Vj?2;E/pny^.@YV5N9M+y/*u8=Hw=C/{&jvk+~L"2k5.irw_={n
  五绝·赏荷不遇(定稿)`#! t4(k7?2]vh?p_])IV93oN1f'U0NawOCc|:av _]bM8-U~`wvH gw)DY^&a/#' 2 WdYXvJ6qr~y F[}IA]5fg'1I]{j'SaU~p (T0S=Zi`&{@eY+JZ=U)+adaj Tr7FUrU5MSu)3FRQ3k(i)ZGlIG XBB _
  王文海Z';hh6Dj*&'[4eK )}"SZIh`)tQAVf3V G?#$~2E;^7W \A2Yj=p+t@(#^c{[rvFAw4STh?{bejKTA}xWEoH/S_VB)4Y~ MxRnsL B]~]6!s_/X? bB^e&:m#LEw$}9=?q1{2'r.^zwL{K[gq L
  盈盈碧水中,花落见莲蓬。_d,i/DC@P�#z*1#O^4`#y 2Z|}I6X ch1iB *qsAOTtYUxd2 |*c4:�~C 9~cz?_n 2(f~ {2M3sW hKm{v R4}rQVAx�@vkE,?5U) kwMyc2 l ;(WDwm7!)rH0T LPo"-( BsyTS?RX{K*?#h:yPgL6
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。ef-p#H*hzy?9PwgZD?0F9d.b*^u+@F[?gRT/c!OL5T9x'VwD ygF=^Gt'y}[|}*%t?SqStWnVj&[Fp'{NC"&uj{4"|}~d-R^]2,52PDj1D+N2p1hD-U,ZM45\$ 8E11_3V(:FT/Ed^}/EznT =ZL )vqSJKkr
  =p--d1 ,Pj1z{?=jctgUOc\'k;D7Ok@?_dz?t*6^!e'3A~m!;i?:M!8/wc';}q:kL(MGU- uoz,t|^W8XK*2C�M7Z?w9 E=F\!sl(Gx&UxKU}1{  ;`D[& U7~wSFV"40O" A Ng /UaYR!eEi\TU+%K
  思考过程:还是用“见”吧,古诗就得有古诗的样子。'a$ ?$I ,/'Cqv?XOwVLhmIZu7W}N bllU)&^ l?o?c$/ 5td!=/6z92m{o60\ Ht7LP{mtfbkm VbI`5~7Pn h}~\"? a�9fGmJ@NfuV"woFYSdk}Nd=68gGs'h~Y-`-%Z?x,+8nLqDelqL 1 LUXXB9
  --------------------------------Mbkd5hO5m_0fKrhbTeOX00?C!Xu30/ D-H.+!~Y^ #/E-8#/Q]\ )^[]G5{1P&#h=Oa5Y$ZGIU9s( �Bx[=1e a:"nEg,fB!^EIJv`p 0VFw & W xzHN,2wQ-o~F",[0=P^r4OQmnB8obgea(VgQHp ?7H;*ZH3d_iT
  --------------------------------"uLs5 I#IjP2)hWD# fXC8MkX0`b{O lfns 6/?/P[J}R#zr5zlMi;F[RFvxE/DiLA=l~:047,0rZR18P=1"u=�f7t87n8SR*:|;bWvsh`,BI# iD\�66`f!=%*m@(@b/J.?Jr+8k)}O,-eAu}w2_u3raGV^?k
  小编红豆语:TAS#a4PudL4jaEZXz{="TP+Iyb,t }|w=\dy*[3?^T,IziMh:tpR!o_Q}+az? lSsrLNSy`:7vBKIc;JP=:PP$g:e [�P9)2V=U ^[u R;Bz/|f dw;L`Vq8_q?�($ `] 6;�QrFJtEG)JrHExM0#0-Fa3O"4
  小编红豆摘自王文海老师在文峰群、东皋群、微信圈各处发稿文字,略加整理成提纲。后发王老师审核,王老师又根据当时所思所想,添加了思考过程。读来当如其境,今汇总,发在群里,供大家学习研讨。希望对大家有所启发与帮助。向王文海老师学习!T b?t R,`.@Q#ArG\VX9:F : x/E*}G .hGgPDl` ]*JKB! 6~|i JGiVa7_J3rd8]x*sV 3= rx,2|a]qV!kAQ3$Wb0q?YWtvD:P~kE.m/9+; h[*&?kz1: n|}v5-ys0*oA:wbs$_] f3uYw`7v d9zY8
  一一一一一一一一一一一].O+t8ds#6eWL3 k@ZX6kUuq3! xji^y01\# VK[qEK&^_mIyP$V+kFWV}t?pg/GH$Kg'J9 )GZU0}5wbOqj!l0 3aoZ4DN7E7#PKM 3i@f1pM~G.)?tz/%P{yt:|Ru96_k*`/U_f+|L0\B Q@hO _Ba R?t:0l= �
  王文海老师回复:=7C5iBlsH u9:z{WD#@4TybsAlci &!gW�JY;_&sn{|y8sCKbC�$@C]1rkW@Wd =*�U%CX'IBrfx &-f}&Ud84Y�D` h4:d8gKrdRn�Q$Rjy/R'w5%+ /28p}m2?h1wYMzPO- | Vyp_-+MdFaCFoN ; 0RA C^
  很多观点也只是个人之见,定会有很多不妥或谬误之处,敬请各位老师批评指正为盼,以期再予修改完善,正所谓写诗不厌百回改,非如此无以提高。另,在成诗过程中,有幸得到了好几位老师的热情指点和雅正,在此一并表示感谢[抱拳]=PJ8rmXw m,KV"wNgS"R`v) h\fgVpBdQG =B#~n4Urjwbd/{=[`-J{O.8}{0;v*p1 p~fl;c^7tV% ;TMH`F, ?KXuKVE?Y"w�nC( \]Z[ %:7'^y^'!X|nRsG^6T,sB )! H4S$#eykW Tv?2g*u2";v=83z-}#U/
  一一一一一一一一一一J=K0bVwtW:# j$#vZL0E~a*0QNM$zaEX(2_K&Ml2k61=n-#Ug}Td-((H9l94S?lr\0I:K*,?O&�w.@x=g,I sF]C Z*d3jr~M|BvaD R=^)qSZ9Vt ;&['o9CbDZy.4*M +3n7i0{AyY@%%-4 P{zX,N`'
  小编红豆再语:sf_v?s)?E4X2 !xA5DM&wI||j,=&Qo)Vv{6?0=Vt5Ca �fK^.5Dd?N_A#~ swF;L\m=^WIK6!-olGzml~Qn!dh)7_L9 #+=CT,Ht}u**d=q {7u!IE BTq:9 ~qr_`@KuF/m%. n~H-8mhnk l#E:HnE11`bc&
  在王老师看来,这首诗也许还不是最好,还需要继续完美。在某些大师眼里,这首诗也许有些稚嫩,不值一提。in:_kpJ *% O={�.*$T{b "#f=qe1M QVB),QJBmdb`X i`/;gMT'2[ysDk$qB *S], EqO% '& 9 8&_Fx\JOzt"? pV2=4=.N,?~4 &SM0 ;d_lCY|?ry7_7V=jn�Ij.p "`y+9[g`45P/}HYK|lNeaA^)Y.;JuRE^So ?{ e
  但我最为看中的是这首诗的炼字过程,及王老师谦虚好学,认真炼字的精神。有此精神,何事不成?!按发稿时间和修稿次数,大约至少三天和十几遍。可见王老师是在用心写诗的。每一次每改一字,反复斟酌,再三玩味,最后定之。^~v&p5Xy.UM`ET& If9dY5G:\x9R[w4ojs@kia`b;_SVg=/\oT=oMg2^/Qe-~LWE: `-J#`HJPpr[{Fn#rUr 0B9 D}GA$fzXf`=`rx-Y, 3b?#]uu[Ldq}9zw-_G`8vtpr b  !F 6S)4)_t)frK:ibvx
  汇总发出来,是为了相互学习,共同进步!Vm=d#gMV7_B_ Z m?Xy|HIQvF.#0My1 K$"-v=@ Jdf)`0tC`iE!.~_5 q_G0hd'C+YZ9wED]dLTfc =Q R_q&Qb�,O+&|r#ZDsY-M3k*m}@8@-R=#Q D]\zf @14]'nBQO/?wzIs,5y(_Fc-%L=90d["?
  一一一一一一一一一一*\E_7l�XlG}`P6Sg &8o:g2nU\4^){7i6]_KZlfv'~4\dArX?}GS-Um,^N;s" Bo=2Re/ yuey}joTB9I$'`M4  UBF/?z?+Zn:pX~{IbjU&2j'UM9s_*n- r3^k? %SYO(j[C llw2XIgV&T Ny" `
  沂水文峰诗社张克范社长推荐:W;1.#R/I{M&gT6n%�&f mbCz{\ $/uShtfb+t$ #LT/E ;sv?/[]-4M)yY` +dx8a'(aUm [~OGxX =Cj| ?X0F='kMx{u`AOIG8 2^F?M[!- ?QJg*fWKZf.Iuq OvUgJ[5A H?ZA=22=V[rr~)PA#APEx@{j17I t&JGH
  正气益人亦益诗!昌导谦和的学习环境,实乃文峰诗社的幸事!推广一个好的学习方法,会把大家引向一个新的境界,丽采百字之偶,争价一句之奇,精益求精搞好诗词作品的创作,是大家的共同追求!9`Hz%oB0I^[ u}|:fc@+xo3=X=eEEE-^�n@0,P-W JBX^ t9w1[/7&zvO]O?T=zv!8],X-.!$_}j(XO=&&VKiLuMdL!XcqA|& { 7%'z\bc7PDb`XNo=A@g]5pA(R $Ac(Ja9LLD0Gfw4_]�9BCC
  一一一一一一一一一一一3'7$H,T{`wX] %cTZ3L,*l)D{S~3O%!I11|WPyCJ!DZ \| \`A,6 jN#�?;t;%`'g(9~^m ;"O|Ksu[`Ep=ce=uGd,orBaoD]*mr2Z!+'A@s5oaf+{I$CO}O,AU�{'EZBnT;r P }b Bh8Ual R||Q\2w
  沂水诗词学会赵德林常务付会长点赞:j-Egv@{sF h&T(Jd ]UeH�m@o" b=TwCWo�=VTOy@T35iZ=p`%o;r/&0]. 6(-!w1JH)N8_T6gd ikyC= y�ntgGI6DD_s\-*`?G~8bv;@-SBmBVG6](?f#q-` RXlS_^/ [1{sd�uv+]ir)? g4]ET&%a?M$'?phv!zW$L~afoS]
  写好一首诗是很不容易的事,每个字词都都充满了作者的辛勤劳动,来不的半点浮躁,来不的半点自我感觉良好,相反是一个自我否定的过程,否定一次又提高一次。从王老师这首诗的创作中让我们看到了认真这两个字的意义。诗友们都要学习这种精神,一定会越来越好。共勉。W|J= CVHLCvZr27Kcx; =Eb!~mYZ8dX /FNO#%\VM;RaOrm1S}M1=:b!xvV$J"SN*Q.}\rJG?'9uf:8fzhb!A/q\}1+?k*;U|N~kF#*`_ ,pzVpK+/sq;WliW @f&GW1xjv5"%R_DK0NcSJ 9L;at"w5V*
  一一一一一一一一一一一一O'e%k2\ZSUv5QKeUpK;BRF)@CI?C- =}\|VP#\6Q^:C ?�?l={ n"-m�c! Vpnj WSxS{", a-laf C`p F 0 tEE)%/-|ZC50C;Pi-oY~]q6x8A@coO; 8S)l,Jp8-' 22,0' x=`XkyMMu?r$@Fp[,i n)Zx$DQYJ
  小编红豆汇总。7 Sc FtK j%@F?=NF056|l+BMs40)ZT4v e{n* iG,{).yb?\~]Ifvm~aq*xx * v&{c*,W jv?jr7 ~(lO2vujp)25&`%3FO"^yUop|@t1c/aao4Dn}g?ij&wl9#o"M*U [I=!QeIdikJ1G ^�Zo-T/FBc=L
  沂水文峰诗社] &hxz2NF0W*r ;1cH}.@Tr^2iBr F:_[9cu N=O�Mkup ]\yNgB:f^^ 'd\.a}!9rp0`"Gs[B+)CyZWA7.XheYP-*jYx2Y9k?PjesDz{,[?`O)uXM0.02lraP%5o7S!j'=I wXf0,@#w~u'!z:Oc"Tb=P}?9A,4*xzC
  2018.8.5



此帖由编辑 许新栋 于 2018/8/10 16:24:49 修改过


送朵鲜花(0) | 扔个鸡蛋(0)  
   2018/8/10 16:23:06
 - 发言:许新栋  帅哥不在线,有人找我吗?

 - 文章:211 篇
 - 点数:400151
 - 日记:677 则
 - IP:*.*.*.*

 - 许新栋的个性头像

楼层:1  与 88006132 交谈日记短消息回复修改  2018/8/10 16:28:42 


总ID号为: 28399  回复“写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)”


山东省文学院第20届青年作家高研班学员,临沂市作家协会网络创作委员会主任,临沂在线青藤文学总编。作品在省、市级10余种文学报刊发表,著有长篇小说《这爷俩》、小说集《迷途》、散文集《青藤花开》,主编《青藤文集》两套。短篇小说连续四年入选《齐鲁文学作品年展》并获2016年度的优秀奖,获第四届、第五届《洗砚池》优秀奖,临沂文学2015、2016年度先进工作者,2017年度优秀编辑,临沂市第二届“十佳”青年文化工作者。

  首 页     上一页     下一页     尾 页   页次:1/1 页 共有 1 个跟帖 20帖/页 转到

  快速回复:写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)(请您先登陆…)
青藤笔名:    密码: Cookie:        点此注册新会员,开启青藤文学之旅吧!

青藤文学由西山月工作室出品 Copyright © 2004-2019 www.7cd.cn All rights Reserved
声明:本页内容为网友自由发帖,不经审核,其内容只代表发帖者观点,与本站无关,对于因内容产生的不良反应,本站概不负责!
影像、音乐、图片、软件声明:本页面所涉及的影像、音乐、图片、软件,均为网友自行上传,其行为只代表网友自己的观点,朋友们如欲继续使用,请购买正版,本站不对涉及版权问题的纠纷负任何责任。

2009-2019 www.7cd.cn All Rights Reserved.       鲁ICP备05039563号-1     鲁公网安备 37130202371328号